My world used to be clearer, crisper even, more black and white. Two colors, two options, two lines, no waiting. But now it is not. My crispy edges are smoother and the vision of my life is more complex. It is not a here or there, places or people, proposition for me anymore. The port hole is now a kaleidoscope,* a precious treasure from my last relationship obtained by struggle and at a cost.

It took me a while to figure out how to use my new oculus, but now I can't put it down. Because while it's true that black and white can be so chic, so edgy, so clear, it is also hard and sharp and smacks of final. I see now I prefer a life of swirly color with infinite combinations of beauty and joy. But sometimes, it makes me so dizzy. So many choices, so many options, so many feelings, so many visions of a future. Sometimes the spinning gets me a little sick, but then I find a point on the horizon and I gaze at it with gentle intensity and the colors and shape come into focus. Sometimes the steadying points are people.

I love coming to this island refuge. It is an enlightenment provoking mound of dirt and rock in a beautiful strait. It is a place of stillness, a place where answers come. As I meander about I find them in the redwood and elm grove whispering first nation memories of prosperous summers; in the clarity of the water that goes from blue to green to grey and in the wind that kicked up white caps today all over the harbour.

I packed my new kaleidoscope carefully and it made it here in one piece. I'll do the same on the ride back home. If when I return you see me looking a little wobbly, please, just take my hand, help me steady and I'll certainly find my focus in just a moment or two.

P.S. "i" before "e" except after "c", or when sounds like A as in neighbor or weigh. hmmm